These people just landed a part in a movie and you didn't:

Sorry boys, but Jessica Alba has officially become a math nerd. Oh yes, Variety tells us the actress has signed on to star in An Invisible Sign of My Own, based on the book by Aimee Bender. Marilyn Agrelo (Mad Hot Ballroom) will direct the flick, which follows a woman who becomes obsessed with numbers and math ... and then lands a gig as a second-grade math teacher. Hot, steamy gratuitous love-making scene not included.

Val Kilmer has decided he needs more action in his life, as the dude has hopped onboard the crime thriller Fake Identity for Nu Image/Millennium Films. The film, to be directed by Dennis Dimster-Denk (or Triple D, as I like to call him), tells of a doctor (Kilmer) who, while working in Chechnya, helps a woman escape from her would-be assailant and then watches a whole movie's worth of crazy stuff happen to him. (Variety)

I know, I've totally been waiting for Michael Caine to kick some serious ass too! Luckily, Variety tells us the actor has joined the British crime thriller Harry Brown. Who's Harry Brown, you ask? Well, he's an "elderly former serviceman drawn to vigilantism while living in a run-down 'burb rife with gangs, guns and drugs." Daniel Barber directs, while Emily Mortimer co-stars as a policewoman. And LL Cool J raps ... "Caine gonna knock you out ..."