"Rules Remain The Same, Except Some Changes."
I recall first seeing that tagline attached to a billboard touting The Transporter 3 at Cannes last May (whether or not I actually saw the picture at JoBlo.com then, all that matters is they still have it now) and dismissed it as a clumsy phrase with something perhaps lost in the translation from the European investors into big, fat, shiny English.
And yet IGN has the first domestic teaser up for the film, and that tagline appears nearly verbatim. I probably shouldn't care, and you probably don't, but it's just a further indication that even the filmmakers -- well, their marketing team -- have barely half a heart in this puppy.
I enjoyed the modest marathon of butt-kicking that was the first film in 2002, but it was that film that has since then propelled star Jason Statham to carry on with more of the same, and while the outright outlandish nature of Crank has me down for an equally warped sequel, this particular franchise jumped the shark for me three years ago, right about when our lead proceeded to ramp a car up and dismount a bomb from its undercarriage by way of a nearby crane.
Call me picky, but I know just which degree of ridiculous I can stomach, and that moment was both too much and yet not nearly enough, it seems. The plot of this three-quel even appears to mimic the living time-bomb element of that one, but really, I'm not sure that seeing his Frank Martin punch and pummel through baddies can carry the same giddy appeal after having seen Chev Chelios push himself to more remarkable extremes.
Again, I probably shouldn't care this much, and you probably don't. Either way, The Transporter 3 (which may or may not drop that article) skids into theaters this Thanksgiving. Ah, the smell of turkey...