CATEGORIES Action, Comedy, Drama, Home Entertainment, Oscar Watch, Trailers and Clips, Friday Night Double Feature, Features, Trailers and Clips, Oscar News, CinematicalLast week, I picked two actors who should have won Oscars for their performances, but were terribly and horribly robbed. This week, I'm picking two old films that a few of this year's nominees should have been nominated for before. The Academy -- man, they never get it right. It shouldn't be the likes of Michael Clayton or No Country for Old Men. Forget that. George Clooney and Tommy Lee Jones had much, much more deserving roles. They should have received best actor nominations for Return of the Killer Tomatoes and Volcano. Sinister, slow-moving villains and earnest, fight-to-the-end good guys -- that's what the Oscars should be lauding.
Return of the Killer Tomatoes
With an impressive and untouchable viewer rating of 4.7, Return of the Killer Tomatoes is the next step in the saga of the vegetables of doom. (Well, they're really fruit, but who wants to split hairs?) George Clooney and Anthony Starke star as Matt Stevens and Chad Finletter, two dudes who have to stop a mad scientist (John Astin) and yuppie pervert (Steve Lundquist) from launching the second coming of the Great Tomato Uprising. Things are complicated, however, when Chad falls for a girl-shaped tomato named Tara.
It's got everything the Academy could ever want in an Oscar winner (and a Clooney role) -- heart-breaking romance, intrigue, amazing dramatic performances, flawless direction and cinematography, memorable writing, state-of-the-art special effects, stunning costume achievements, and of course, the best intro song to ever be.
Sing along: Returrrrn of the killer tomaaaatoooooes!
Pizza joints without tomatoes and hot women who want to make love.
A good tomato is a squashed tomato. Period.
The vets come back to fight, with cowboys and ninjas.
Clooney makes the pizza.
The coast is toast! Tommy Lee Jones stars as a divorced official called Mike Roark, who tries to control a volcano that grows out of the La Brea Tar Pits and wreaks havoc on Los Angeles. Geysers and waves of lava attack, and Roark gets shifty to try and save everyone -- namely by diverting the thick, bubbling river of lava towards the Pacific Ocean. However, this is a flawed plan, since the street planned for this maneuver, San Vicente Boulevard, tilts towards Cedars Sinai Hospital.
There's nothing scarier than a slow, bubbling stream of hot lava, or the simple barricades made to keep it in. In Old Men, Jones just has to fart around, never catching any of the dudes he's looking for, while chattering on about this or that. There's no action for him, and there's certainly no acting challenge like saving LA and his daughter from lava! And it's got Don Cheadle. Volcanos and the Cheadle should equal Academy honors!
Volcanic geysers explode in front of Mike.
Sacrificing a building to save the city and the sick.
Mike's daughter and car are on fire.
Water vs. Lava -- The Showdown