I thought twice about posting this because I really didn't want to ruin your Friday, but then I'd be disappointing all those Jessica Simpson fans out there. What to do? What to do? Oh well -- There's a new trailer out for Simpson's Major Movie Star, and I can't imagine anyone wanted to premiere it because Millennium Films stuck it somewhere on their website where the only people who could find it would be those searching for information on the film. Which means I expect all of about zero of you to have seen it already. About halfway through the thing Vivica Fox blurts out the line, "I think I just threw up a little in my mouth." After watching this disaster unfold, part of me thinks that line wasn't in the script.
In the film, Simpson plays a really famous actress (that part is funny) who blows all her money, goes bankrupt and decides to join the Army. Essentially, it's like an updated version of Goldie Hawn's Private Benjamin, only Simpson plays an actress whose movies are actually popular. And I give her credit for that performance seeing as she honestly had no real-life experience to draw from. So, what you get are a bunch of stereotypical boot camp scenes; Simpson runs through the mud, says something cute, kisses a guy and throughout the entire thing we get a voiceover from some random dude who's not our regular voiceover guy. It's so bad that it almost feels like you're watching one of those fake trailer mash-ups on YouTube. Between this film (which doesn't have a release date; wonder why?) and Blonde Ambition (which doesn't have a release date; wonder why?), Jessica Simpson's major movie career is heading for a major .... (you fill in the blank).