"Last time I visit Cinematical!" "Guess it's a slow news day, huh?" "Cinematical used to be cool, but now they just don't care anymore." Yup, these are just some of the comments I expect to read after writing a post about Britney Spears. But what can I say -- the gal just fascinates me. Like the rest of the world, I managed to catch Britney's VMA performance ... and loved every minute of it. Sure, I've been reading all these stories about how she embarrassed herself, MTV, Jesus, Kanye, what have you, but in my opinion, MTV should freaking pray to her. Without that trainwreck, their show would've been mentioned briefly -- Kid Rock threw a punch, blah blah -- end of story. But Britney. Boy, did she get our attention. The Movie Blog recently wrote a story asking whether folks would be interested in a Britney biopic -- after all, she's shaping up to be the perfect candidate. The consensus is that people are sick of hearing about her; all they want is for Britney to go away. Far away. To the Land of I Can Have Two Kids and Still Party Like A Washed-Up Rock Star. Oh wait, we already live there.

But they're lying. Because we want Britney. We need Britney. With La Lohan in rehab and Paris under publicist arrest, who do we turn to? This guy? I don't think so. So yes, I'm in favor of a Britney Spears biopic -- and I'd like it to happen sooner rather than later, this way everyone (Spears, Lohan, Hilton, K-Fed) can all play themselves. And I'd like a really serious director to helm the thing; someone like Roman Polanski. Oooh, he would be perfect. And he just dropped off Pompeii -- even better! Not to mention he has a thing for ... well, you know. There would need to be a few dance numbers (choreographed by Adam Shankman), while Steve Buscemi and Don Cheadle take on supporting performances -- if only because they're in practically everything these days. I'd like Fox to put it out in late September (with a premiere in Toronto), and I want Cinematical's James Rocchi to conduct all the audio interviews. And then Cinematical gets to premiere the poster; in big, shiny red ink -- it reads: Roman Polanski's Born to Make You Happy (taken from a Spears song, of course). That's what I want. Make it so ...