I'm not really sure what to think of USA Today's unexpected list of up-and-coming scream queens, but I have to start by pointing out that they felt it necessary to consult a representative from Troma on this matter. I mean, come on -- Troma? Are we really looking to the geniuses behind Poultrygeist for insights into future of the horror genre? Has it come to that? Okay, moving on. The first choice on their list is Rob Zombie's 36-year-wife, Sheri Moon, who has appeared in some of his movies, I guess. I don't know how that qualifies her as a scream queen in any way -- it seems like the simplest requirement of a scream queen is that she's college-age or thereabouts. If we're going to shoot for late-30s, then Dina Meyer should be on the list. Also on their list is Cerina Vincent, who I have the vaguest memory of in Cabin Fever and who co-starred in an Edward Furlong horror movie called Intermedio, which I've heard about but haven't seen. Then there's Tiffany Shepis, a bonafied Troma girl whose IMDB credits include Pauly Shore is Dead, Hoodoo for Voodoo and National Lampoon's Boobies. Yeesh.

I think a more useful definition of a scream queen than someone who has racked up four or five straight-to-video credits in the last two years is an actress who has actually given an impactful, memorable performance in a horror film that was actually scary. With that in mind, I would nominate Cassandra Magrath and Kestie Morassi, the female leads from Wolf Creek, for any scream queen title. Wolf Creek was a movie where the screaming came fast and furious and in a truly horrifying situation -- I still have nightmares about that one and a lot of its success was because of those performances. Also, how about Jess Weixler, the star of the Sundance hit Teeth, or Amber Heard from All the Boys Love Mandy Lane? I haven't seen either of those films yet, but I've at least heard a lot about them -- more so than 99 percent of the credits listed in this article.