Phillip Seymour Hoffman is up to present something. He looks kind of bizarre with a mustache. Best Actress Movie Drama now. The Golden Globe goes to Helen Mirren in The Queen. Looks like her Oscar chances just went up to about 115 percent. It's not even possible that she could lose it now. She must have been cut off in mid-speech. One second she was speaking, and then I turned around and it was a commercial. Nope - my friend says she just got off very quickly.

The Back to the Future commercial again! I demand to know why Robert Zemeckis would allow something like this to be made. I want a full investigation, immediately! Felicity Huffman now....Best Actor...Leo for Blood Diamond....Leo for The Departed...Will Smith for Happyness....Forrest Whittaker for Scotland...Peter O'Toole for Venus. Will Leo cancel himself out? Yep. Forrest Whittaker wins for some movie I never saw, and that everyone told me was mediocre. Whoopee.

Arnold is going to give the award for best picture. The honorable Arnold, I mean. No way he's on crutches for real. This is a gag. Barbell? I think he means Babel. The Golden Globe goes to Babel. Not a bad film. Are they going to let Brad Pitt speak or are they going to make everyone turn off their TVs early? Did the director just make a joke about illegal immigration? That's appropriate for an awards ceremony. He's going on a little long -- yep, he just got the music. Well, looks like that ends a completely boring, uneventful evening. Thank God it's over. Does anyone actually watch this show? I mean, really -- what kind of numbers are we talking about?