I don't want to talk about Britney Spears this week. Personally, I've read more than enough news about her, and she barely qualifies as a film-related personality, anyway. I don't want to deal with Anna Nicole Smith either, at least until her daughter's paternity test comes back ... and even then, I'm on overload. And Rosie O'Donnell? I'm trying to ignore that whole thing with Donald Trump, which doesn't even make sense.

Unfortunately, it's a slow gossip week without the above-named celebrities. I realized at some point that if I am reporting items on Mary-Kate Olsen's boots and Charlton Heston's neighbors, it is definitely not a red-letter gossip week. I couldn't even find any George Clooney or Johnny Depp photo opportunities. However, at least I know I'll entertain the Jessica Alba fans with the last news item on the following list.
  • Lindsay Lohan (pictured above) had her appendix removed this week after learning that she suffered from appendicitis. If only that appendix could talk, imagine what it might say ... (Full disclosure: that interview was written by our managing editor Kim Voynar's charming husband.)
  • Even if you're Charlton Heston, you still have to deal with disputes with your neighbors.
  • Radar Online spills some of the secrets of Alec Baldwin's eating habits.
  • Musician/actress Whitney Houston is being required to auction some of her clothes, furniture, and old tour equipment in order to pay off some debts. The auction is next week, if you're interested in buying some musical instruments or slightly used Versace and Armani.
  • Scary photo time: Go Fug Yourself scrutinizes the much-lauded blue dress that Beyonce wore to the Dreamgirls premiere in L.A. The site also reveals a truly terrible hat that Nicollette Sheridan donned while promoting Code Name: The Cleaner.
  • TMZ finds Mary-Kate Olsen's boots to be unbelievably scary, and wishes she'd try other footwear more often. I'm not quite seeing the scariness myself, but then I walk around in ratty jeans and sweatshirts.
  • Finally, for those of you who like this sort of thing, here's some video of Jessica Alba playing football in the water while trying to keep her bikini from flying around. You're welcome.