There's only one rule in my house come Christmas Day. I don't care who's coming over, how many gifts there are to open, what kind of food is being prepared or whether there's indeed any snow to shovel. Nope. Could care less. And look, there are tons of wonderful Christmas-related flicks that exist today -- some more memorable than others -- that people enjoy and attempt to watch as the magical holiday draws near.
Me? I don't watch Miracle on 34th Street or It's a Wonderful Life -- nope, on Christmas there's only one film that's allowed on my television. A film that must remain on my boob tube for 24 hours straight ... or else. And that film would be A Christmas Story. I could be three rooms away, somehow sense the channel being changed -- even for a brief second -- and come rushing back into the room, screaming bloody murder. Oh, I'll tackle someone if need be. This is my film. I own it for one day. Sure, my family might think I'm a bit nuts ... at first, but by the eighth or ninth time it's on, there's a crowd. People are laughing, spitting out quotes and remembering past Christmas events -- loved ones who have passed on and memories that are only sparked because of this film. Because of this odd rule I force everyone around me to follow. And so it goes. Here are 24 reasons to watch all 24 hours of A Christmas Story on Christmas Day ...
For those of you who don't feel like re-starting the DVD every hour and a half, every year TBS airs A Christmas Story for 24 hours beginning at 8pm EST on Christmas Eve. Might I suggest watching it at least three different ways: Once by yourself, once with your entire family and once with the person you're closest with (wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, Satan, etc ... )
24. "My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years." -- Do it for the little ones, for those kids who think The Santa Clause 2 is the funniest film in the history of Christmas.
23. "Flick says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski's candy store!" -- If anything, to remember all those outrageous lies you told your parents in order to obtain that special Christmas present.
22. "Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!" -- It's always fun to look back over the years and pay tribute to those horrific neighbors you once shared a patch of grass with.
21. "Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught." -- Use this as a good time to remember that one teacher you had who would always make you feel guilty for being a kid.
20. "I like The Wizard of Oz. I like the Tin Man." -- There was always that one odd kid who no one quite knew where he was from or whether he belonged on this planet. Yeah, they deserve a Christmas card too.
19. "C'mon, guys! Wait up! C'mon, guys! Wait up!" -- Don't you think it's about time you turned to your kid brother (or sister), gave them a hug and just said, "sorry?"
18. "The line ENDS here. It begins THERE." -- Ah, aren't you glad those days of waiting in line after line are officially over ... for now?
17. "Mom, this is just the same dumb old parade as last year." -- In order to teach the little ones the value of tradition.
16. "Starving people would be happy to have that. " -- Someone has to eat Aunt Hilda's jello mold. C'mon, she spent three hours on that thing!
15. "That's ridiculous. Jealous. Jealous of WHAT? That is... The ugliest lamp I have ever seen in my entire LIFE!" -- To remind your significant other that it's Christmas, and any fight is a stupid fight.
14. "This isn't one of those trees where all the needles falls off, is it?" -- Now might be a good time to water the tree. Has anyone watered it today?
13. "Hey Dad! I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas" -- Remember, humor the kids. This might be the only day all year where they're excited to see you happy.
12. "The line waiting to see Santa Claus stretched all the way back to Terre Haute. And I was at the end of it." -- If only to remember back when going to see Santa at the local mall was the one most important thing to do all year.
11. "Every kid, at the back of his mind, vaguely but insistently, believes that he will be struck blind before his 21st birthday. And then they'll be sorry." -- To teach your kids it's okay to be dreamers.
10. "Deck the halls with boughs of horry, ra ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra." -- If only to remember that one Christmas when everyone said f*ck it, let's eat out!
9. "We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice." -- To remember that feeling you get when you first walk into the living room and there's a ton of gifts waiting under the tree.
8. "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!" -- To remind yourself that disappointment is a fact of life. Live it. Own it. Cherish it.
7. "I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed." -- Ah, there's nothing better than remembering the first time you truly acted like your parents.
6. "Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!" -- To remind your little ones that behind every childhood bully, there's a kid just like them -- someone who wants, feels, hurts and cries.
5. "Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!" -- To remember the first time you really did something wrong ... and how that one moment helped change your life forever.
4. "Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl." -- Because you should be aware that every Christmas gift comes from the heart, no matter who it's from or how ugly it might be.
3. "I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!" -- To remember all those gifts you so desperately wanted for Christmas ... and never thought you'd get.
2. "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." -- To remember all the wonderful ways your parents would try to deter you from wanting a certain Christmas gift.
1. "Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue steel beauty. The greatest Christmas gift I had ever received, or would ever receive. Gradually, I drifted off to sleep, pringing ducks on the wing and getting off spectacular hip shots." -- Because there aren't many times throughout the year when you can make a child feel like they're on top of the world.