Rosie O'Donnell actually bought the actress/singer a pair of underwear (which look similar to the pair sported by Jamie Kennedy) and wants to teach Spears "how to wear underwear again." However, I feel that the best and most genteel solution might be intensive etiquette lessons with a strong focus on entering and exiting vehicles properly, even while under the influence of alcohol or Paris Hilton. And -- I can't believe I just wrote two paragraphs about a celebrity's lack of panties. I need to take a shower before I tackle the rest of last week's news highlights. Excuse me for a moment ...
- Sofia Coppola gave birth on Tuesday to a little girl. The daddy is Coppola's boyfriend Thomas Mars. They've decided to name the baby Romy, which is cute but does make me think the child must look like a miniature Mira Sorvino.
- Lindsay Lohan would like you to know that she's started attending AA meetings. And not to prepare for method acting in an upcoming movie, either.
- When George Clooney vowed to go out on the town with a variety of people to confuse paparazzi, I didn't think he meant Danny DeVito. Apparently they had a rather wild night, which unfortunately preceded DeVito's notorious appearance on the TV show The View the next morning. I guess the scheme is working, since paparazzi have produced no photos from the evening. Perhaps that's best.
- Snoop Dogg was arrested again, this time for allegedly possessing a handgun and illegal drugs. Maybe he took that "Hound of Hell" role in his movie Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror a little too seriously.
- I told you this would happen: Actual, legitimate Kazakh film crews are having trouble getting anyone to believe that they're trying to cover serious news while in America, thanks to Borat.
- Photo of the week: Risky Biz Blog not only reports that Heath Ledger and MIchelle Williams picked up a marriage license last week, but posts a priceless photo of the couple trying to ward off photographers. (It's not safe for work.)