Look, I know everyone on earth who isn't me (which is a very large number of people) really likes the Shrek franchise. And that is okay, because I'm entitled to make the occasional poor decision when it comes to taste in movies, right? You are talking to the guy who liked Brothers Grimm, after all. We all know Dreamworks plans for Shrek 3 (and 4, and that Puss in Boots spin-off) to make a literal pile of money -- seriously, I heard they pile it up Uncle Scrooge style and swim it in during their holiday office parties -- and since we're drawing ever nearer to the release of Shrek 3, we're going to see a major advertising blitz.

Part one of said blitz is actually rather impressive, as the entire cast of the films (at least, all the important characters) has come together for a half hour television Christmas special. Yes, that's right, a Shrek Christmas special. And I want it known, the pun in the headline is not mine; it is actually the title of the television piece. I've actually come to a place where I'm okay with Shrek, but the following line from the president of ABC Entertainment just makes me weep: "Family classics are a cornerstone of our brand, and Shrek The Halls will provide warm memories year-after-year, and be a great addition to our library of holiday favorites such as Santa Claus is Comin' to Town and A Charlie Brown Christmas." I don't care if you all want Shrek for Christmas, but can't you at least give me a few years before you put it in the company of A Charlie Brown Christmas? Please?