Although Fangoria has been doing their annual Chainsaw awards for over a decade now, 2006 marks the very first time the event will be televised, much to the delight of zombie freaks and slasher geeks all over North America. The event will be held in L.A. on October 15th, although the Fuse Network won't be airing it until the 22nd. (Which means if you want to watch the event "un-spoiled," I wish you luck.) Want to throw your own votes into the tally? Fine. You can vote right here, but only between September 1st and 13th (which is a Friday, mwaahaaa!)
After the jump you'll find a complete list of all the 2006 Chainsaw nominees, plus my own predictions on which flicks would win if the event were called Amazing Geek Weinberg's Horror Awards instead of The Chainsaws.
(My preferred winners are in BOLD. Let's see if I get any right.)
Killer Movie (Best Horror Film): The Descent, The Devil's Rejects, The Hills Have Eyes, Hostel, Wolf Creek
Geeky Commentary: I still don't get the appeal of Rob Zombie's ridiculous movies. And Wolf Creek for best movie over Slither or Silent Hill? Guh! Hell, Saw 2 is better than Wolf Creek. No complaints otherwise, but if The Descent doesn't win this category, I'll be stunned.
Most Thrilling Killing (Best Death Scene): The drive-thru scene from Final Destination 3, the train suicide from Hostel, the decapitation from The Omen, the blade-box from Saw 2, the crotch-bite from Snakes on a Plane
GC: Solid picks, but there were much better kills in Hostel than the train scene!
Dude You Don't Wanna Mess With (Best Hero): Jay Hernandez in Hostel, King Kong in King Kong, Nathan Fillion in Slither, Samuel L. Jackson in Snakes on a Plane, Scott Speedman in Underworld: Evolution
GC: Much as I love Jackson's Kong, I don't count it as a true-blue horror movie, so my pick goes elsewhere. I would have picked Mr. Fillion, although he plays more of a likably amiable lug than a true bad-ass, so the obvious choice is the eternally slick mofo known as Sam Ell.
Chick You Don't Wanna Mess With (Best Heroine): Shauna Macdonald in The Descent, Laura Linney in The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Anna Faris in Scary Movie 4, Radha Mitchell in Silent Hill, Kate Beckinsale in Underworld: Evolution
GC: Radha Mitchell does some really fine work in Silent Hill, but Ms. Macdonald kicks some serious subterranean ass in The Descent.
Relationship from Hell (Best Couple or Duo): Bill Moseley & Sheri Moon Zombie in The Devil's Rejects, Ellen Page & Patrick Wilson in Hard Candy, Derek Richardson & Jan Vlasak in Hostel, Michael Rooker & Elizabeth Banks in Slither, Kate Beckinsale & Scott Speedman in Underworld: Evolution
GC: Yikes, what's will all the Underworld 2 love? For me this is a 2-horse race between Hard Candy and Slither, but since Page & Wilson are practically the whole movie, they get my pick.
Best Butcher (Best Villain): Sid Haig in The Devil's Rejects, Robert Joy in The Hills Have Eyes, Jan Vlasak in Hostel, Tobin Bell in Saw 2, John Jarratt in Wolf Creek
GC: Much as I respect Captain Jigsaw and his devious ways, Jan Vlasak makes for one chilling little torture dispensary. And what; no Rooker??
Creepiest Kid: Rachel Hurd-Wood in An American Haunting, Ellen Page in Hard Candy, Laura Ortiz in The Hills Have Eyes, Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick in The Omen, Jodelle Ferland in Silent Hill
GC: Young Ms. Ferland does some really excellent work (in multiple roles), but Ellen Page gives one of the best performances I've seen in years.
Highest Body Count: Doom, Final Destination 3, King Kong, Slither, Snakes on a Plane
GC: Like Gunn says on his blog ... the Slither beasties wiped out an entire town. I don't see how the other four can even compete with that.
Line That Killed (Best One-Liner): The Devil's Rejects ("Boy, the next words out of your mouth better be some brilliant f**kin' Mark Twain shit, 'cause it's definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone."), Final Destination 3 ("Look, girls with asses like mine don't talk to guys with faces like yours."), Hostel ("I hope bestiality is legal in Amsterdam, because that girl's a f**kin' hog."), Snakes on a Plane ("I've had it with these motherf**king snakes on this motherf**king plane!"), Wolf Creek ("I'm going to do something now they used to do in Vietnam. It's called making a head on a stick.")
GC: Gotta go along with the crowd on this one. Nobody uses the MF word like Sam Ell does.
Bloodiest Beatdown (Best Fight Scene): The Descent (Juno & Sarah vs. The Crawlers), Doom (The Rock vs. Karl Urban), The Hills Have Eyes (Michael Bailey Smith vs. Aaron Stanford), King Kong (Kong vs. The T-Rexes), Underworld: Evolution (Kate Beckinsale vs. Tony Curran)
GC: All good choices here, but that final cave battle is just blisteringly intense.
Best with Less (Best Limited-Release/Budget Film): The Dark Hours, Hard Candy, The Roost, Subject Two, Zombie Honeymoon
GC: Much as I love Hard Candy, my pick goes to the small(er) guys this time out.
Sickest FX (Special Effects): Corpse Bride, Final Destination 3, King Kong, Silent Hill, Snakes on a Plane
GC: Tough pick, but I just love the way Silent Hill looks.
Looks That Kill (Makeup Effects): The Descent, The Hills Have Eyes, Silent Hill, Slither, Underworld: Evolution
GC: No contest. The practical effects in this flick would make Rob Bottin clap his hands and roar with approval.
Most Disturbing Import (Scariest Foreign Film): Calvaire (Belgium), Godzilla: Final Wars (Japan), Kairo (Japan), Night Watch (Russia), Romasanta: The Werewolf Hunt (Spain)
GC: Now this is the category where the overrated Wolf Creek should go. Calvaire is a horror movie inasmuch as Deliverance is a horror movie. And didn't Kairo come out like four years ago?
Killer Television (TV show, anthology or film): Desperation, Invasion, Nightmares & Dreamscapes, Masters of Horror, Supernatural
...and then there are four final categories for horror-related music videos, but since I know nothing about music and/or videos, I'll just let you guys check those out for yourselves.
Also, if you found the Chainsaw nominees amusing, check out the Spike TV Scream Awards nominations as well. Similar stuff, different sponsors.