It really is good we have such competent, talented and knowledgeable writers here at Cinematical to provide you with all manner of insightful movie industry commentary -- because you sure won't get it in this column. Every now and then I let myself slip and actually produce a piece filled with meaningful dialog, but typically you just get a strange, rambling foray into what I loosely claim to call my mind.
If you enjoy high caliber, industry professional work, I suggest you try out the likes of Martha Fischer, Kim Voynar and the ever-popular James Rocchi. If you, like me, have trouble keeping your mind focused on meaningful things, I suggest you join my on today's flight of fancy. I'm not going to bother explaining how this concept gestated in my tiny brain, I'll just jump right in. Today's Geek Beat explores the results of crossing America's current summer movie trend -- superhero flicks -- with America's traditional summer pastime -- baseball. Now I'm probably journeying into difficult territory here, crossing a jock topic with a geek topic, but stay with me. Without further ado, The Geek Beat Presents: Marvel's All-Star Baseball Teams!
Note: This IS a movie website, and I am discussing summer superhero flicks, so the teams will be comprised only of those Marvel figures who have appeared in Marvel movies. Otherwise, we'd be looking at a whole different ballgame. Ha-ha-ha.
All-Star Heroes (in batting order)
1. Second Base: Matt Murdock, AKA Daredevil. Okay, yes, the man is blind. Fine. But we all know about his ridiculous superhuman senses -- they make him among the quickest and most agile beings alive. I'd wager nobody could turn a double play with the lightning speed of this blind man. And he's likely the only one who'd be able to consistently hit against the opposing pitcher on the All-Star Villains. Definitely a lead-off man.
2. Center Field: Johnny Storm, AKA The Human Torch. When you've got superheroes to work with, there is no reason not to have an outfield capable of flight. Johnny is obviously an athlete, although he'd probably tend to ruin balls once he caught them. No matter anyway, the MLB rotates balls practically every pitch these days.
3. Pitcher: Piotr Rasputin, AKA Colossus. Two words -- Fastball Special. He's got superhuman strength, and if he can throw fastballs with Wolverine, he can certainly throw them with baseballs. Not often you'll find a pitcher batting 3rd, but hey, who is going to argue this one?
4. Catcher: Ben Grimm, AKA The Thing. He's large enough that NOTHING should get past him, and strong enough to catch for Colossus. There is no way an opposing player is running down this guy to get to the plate (well, okay, one guy on the other team probably could). Why batting fourth? He's huge, insanely strong, and his battle cry is "it's clobberin' time!"
5. Third Base: Hank McCoy, AKA The Beast. Superhuman reflexes and agility mean nothing should get by this guy at the corner. He's definitely strong enough to make the throw across the field to first with absolutely no effort whatsoever. Like The Thing, he also promises real hitting power.
6. Left Field: Peter Parker, AKA Spider-Man. Unlike his two outfield buddies, Spidey can't technically fly. I think we can all agree, however, that his webslinging prowess would make him every bit as effective at shagging high flies. I don't know if Spider Sense works for baseball, but if it does he'd be a mighty threat at the plate. Not a power hitter, but certainly a high on base percentage guy.
7. Shortstop: Kurt Wagner, AKA Nightcrawler. Probably not the strongest guy in the world, but certainly among the most agile. He'd be a wicked double play combination with Daredevil, and a fantastic glove at the most dynamic position on the field.
8. Right Field: Warren Worthington III, AKA Angel. Again, flight in the outfield is a fantastic positive. Dude can catch missiles, he can certainly catch a baseball.
9. First Base: Reed Richards, AKA Mr. Fantastic. The primary function of a first baseman is to get exceptional extension off the bag. There is no way anyone throws a ball past Mr. Fantastic. Heck, if he was quick enough they wouldn't even need to throw, they could just place the ball in his outstretched hand.
So there are the starting nine for the good guys. Now it is your turn. I've picked my nine for the All-Star Villains; let's see if you can guess them. Or provide your own list for Heroes or Villains. Just remember, we're going on MOVIE VERSIONS of Marvel characters, got it?