The last time I asked my trusty Magic 8 Ball to help predict the Academy Awards, it did fairly well. Of course, the thing failed miserably when it came to Best Picture, but I blame myself -- after all, there is a certain way you have to shake it.
Not many know this, but when it comes to accurately predicting the future with a Magic 8-Ball, there are a variety of elements that need to be in place. Seeing as I'm asking it about this summer's films, I needed to make sure I had a nice, fake tan ahead of time. That's right, unless you're tan, the Magic 8-Ball will not work. Secondly, I needed to dumb way down. Heck, this ain't Oscar season -- it's "Let's spend an absurd amount of money on a film and hope no one will realize the thing lacks anything even remotely close to a plot" season.
Last, but certainly not least, I needed to have a witness. Without a witness, I could just make this whole thing up. And we wouldn't want that, would we? Once again, I've asked my friend Adam to come along and forced him (against his will, of course) to wear a Louis Vuitton designer Snakes on a Plane t-shirt. What? You didn't know Louis Vuitton was making SOAP shirts? Where the hell have you been? Finally, with all the elements in place, it was time to begin. I lowered the lights, picked up my Magic 8-Ball and quickly watched the trailer for Little Man to inject myself with one last dose of stupid. Here we go ...
Magic 8 Ball, which summer film will gross the most money?
As you can see here, the Magic 8 Ball feels Ron Howard's big screen version of The Da Vinci Code will beat out the rest with this summer's biggest box office take. Not a bad call if I may say so myself. I mean, here we have a film based on one of the more popular books in recent years -- add Ron Howard and Tom Hanks to the mix and you have a recipe for the always delicious "Rich Man's" soup.
Now, if I were calling the shots here, I probably would have chosen Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest to be the big winner at the box office this summer. With it, you have the built-in audience from the first film, coupled with the many Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom fans and, well, writers Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio never disappoint.
Magic 8 Ball, which summer film will bomb the most at the box office?
Even though it's already been out for a week, the Magic 8 Ball still predicts the Poseidon re-make to sink faster than the careers of each and every actor in its cast. Budgeted at a crisp $150 million, so far this is by no means the little ship that could.
I agree with the 8 Ball here. I mean, we should have known Poseidon would tank after checking out its cast. Seriously, when was the last time Kurt Russell starred in a film that made money? Heh, perhaps they should have cut that budget by more than half and threw Russell in a sequel to 1987's Overboard. If that were the case, perhaps we would laugh with him, instead of at him.
Magic 8 Ball, which summer film will let us down and just plain stink?
Oohh, this was a big surprise. According to my Magic 8-Ball, it feels Superman Returns will soon a find a home in the 99 cents bin at Walmart. That's so unfair. After all, Bryan Singer worked awfully hard on this film and, judging my the trailer, Brandon Routh was born to play Christopher Reeve's stunt double.
While I may not totally agree with the 8 Ball, I do believe the film in risky. For some reason, I feel there's a lot more pressure here than there was when Batman Begins came out last summer. Perhaps it's that Christopher Reeve's shoes are extremely tough to fill. Or maybe Bryan Singer is no Richard Donner. Whatever the case may be, I'm sure Kevin Spacey will rock and, you never know, it could turn out okay. My fingers are certainly crossed ... I guess.
Magic 8 Ball, which summer film will surprise us the most?
While some are skeptical and feel Stone never directs a film without an agenda, I totally agree with the Magic 8 Ball here. If Steven Spielberg were directing this film, there's no way anyone would question it. However, I'm certain that, not only will Stone surprise us with an amazing real-life story of courage, but he will do so with class and beauty.
Magic 8 Ball, which summer film will turn out to be overall king of the season?
Look, I'm sure plenty of films this summer will entertain. But, if you're looking for a movie packed with 100% of pure fun and adventure, then you have to go with Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest.
Of course, I'm not so sure my Magic 8 Ball chose it for the right reasons ... but that's an entirely different post altogether. Whether you enjoyed the original, love anything directed by Gore Verbinski, wish Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom would fight to the death over your hand in marriage or simply want a healthy escape from the heat, one thing's for sure -- Dead Man's Chest will leave you satisfied and excited for more. That's my bet. And, if my Magic 8 Ball would stop downloading pictures of Captain Jack Sparrow for a minute, then I'm positive it would agree.