As I stare at the picture of Brad Pitt above, knowing that, to some women, he is considered the hottest piece of hot to ever grace the planet Hot, I question what it actually takes to be that kind of man. A real man. With a gun at my side and an open field of opportunity before me.
I mean, is there a "Guide to Becoming a Real Man" manual that I can buy? If I don't follow the manual strictly, does that mean I'm a fake man? And if I did turn out to be a fake man, could I skip work and use that as an excuse? "Well, see sir, I'm not a real man. I'm fake. Yeah, even if I did come into work, nothing real would get done. Everyone knows a fake man cannot do real work. Right?"
Regardless of what your definition of a "real man" is, the following films all feature men with real problems. Okay, one of them is about teenagers, but the director is a real maniac -- so that counts. I think. While I go off to try and figure out whether or not a real man is allowed to crave his Mom's cupcakes, how about you stick here and check out the following real trailers? Welcome to this week's Trailer Park ...
- In The Assassination of Jesse James, Brad Pitt takes on the legendary role of James in an effort to prove that, not only is he the hottest guy on earth, but the dude plays a pretty good cowboy too. Story will surround the period in time when Robert Ford (Casey Affleck) joins up with James' gang only to resent Jesse and ultimately hatch a plan to, well, assassinate the man. Not much of a trailer here, but from the images we've seen so far, it looks to be a pretty pic.
- After post-production was delayed, forcing the studio to push this Oscar contender back all the way till next fall, All the King's Men is now gearing up for its long-awaited appearance. Sporting an all-star cast of Sean Penn, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Anthony Hopkins, Patricia Clarkson, James Gandolfini and Mark Ruffalo, King's Men tells a classic story of political corruptness based off Robert Penn Warren's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel. Look for Penn's name to be splashed across the Best Actor award speculations come Academy Award time. Oh, and then look for him not to win ... again.
- Currently screening at the Tribeca Film Festival, Lonely Hearts stars John Travolta and James Gandolfini as two homicide detectives tracking a pair of killers dubbed "The Lonely Heart Killers." Based on a true story, Martha Beck (Selma Hayek) and Raymond Fernandez (Jared Leto) traumatized the community in the late 1940's by attracting their victims through personal ads, then murdering them in a sexual frenzy.
- In Twelve and Holding, director Michael Cuesta follows up his debut film, L.I.E., with another story of troubled youth. After the death of a boy in a tree-house fire, three friends set out to deal with the tragedy in their own way. If it's anything like L.I.E., look for Cuesta's sophomore effort to be full of controversial themes, focusing once again on the dark side of adolescence.
- After films like Primal Fear and American History X, I had some really good feelings about Edward Norton. However, the chap kind of faded away into the background, landing roles in films that just didn't play well. With Down in the Valley, Norton plays a charismatic cowboy who befriends, and later seduces, a troubled teenager (Evan Rachel Wood). Things do change after this real cowboy exposes himself to be a very real danger. C'mon Eddie, we know you can act -- shake off the monotone boredom and give us a decent performance for once.