Because the Academy apparently doesn't trust any of its members, they've sent each of the 150-odd Oscar nominees a short DVD called An Insider's Guide: What Nominees Need to Know with their invitations to Sunday's ceremony. The DVD - hosted by none other than the king of the Oscars (gag) himself, Tom Hanks - "is packed with a half-century of memorable Oscar moments, with examples of acceptances good, bad and ugly," and tells the nominees exactly how they need to go about the task of accepting, should their names be called at the big moment.

Is this a joke, or something? Do George Clooney, Ang Lee, and Reese Witherspoon really need Hanks (or anyone else) telling them to "show gratitude with style," and "maximize [their] moment"? Jesus, what a massive load of condescending crap! If someone makes a great speech, it's just not going to be because of Tom Hanks. And if a speech is going to suck? Man, an 8 minute DVD just isn't going to change a damn thing - it's not as if people who make fools of themselves go to the stage intending to do so.

But you never know, I guess. Hey, maybe if Philip Seymour Hoffman wins, he'll include Hanks in his barked thanks, and give all the credit for his doggy eloquence to this handy dandy DVD lesson!