Though you may have managed to make it until today without hearing the news, I feel compelled to tell you that a movie about a giant, killer crocodile is currently filming in Australia. It's called Rogue and, while it surely will never approach the awesomeness that was Anaconda (the former's tragic lack of Ice Cube assures that), it nevertheless is very likely to be crappy, campy goodness. In fact, Touchstone Pictures is so incredibly excited about the idea of oversized, deadly crocs that they're going to make their own damn movie about them.

Primeval, Touchstone's newly-announced project, tells the heart-warming story of "a news producer, reporter and cameraman who travel to South Africa on an assignment to bring back alive a 25-foot croc named Gustave." Yes, you read that right: his name is Gustave. Apparently the team is shocked that the creature would rather snack on humans than hang out with them, and things get even worse when (get this) "a feared warlord targets them for death." Warlords? A deadly crocodile named Gustave? Screw Rogue, man, Primeval is where it's at!

The movie, which will star Orlando Jones and Dominic Purcell, will begin shooting in South Africa in April. There's no word yet on who will play Gustav.