To bring in a little extra cash this winter I decided to take a gig maintaining the scenic Overlook Hotel while it's closed for the winter. Since there are very few people around here (now) to talk movies with, I thought I'd see what Lloyd, the bartender in the Gold Room, had to say about this year's Oscar ballot.
Me: Good evening, Lloyd.
Lloyd: How are you, Mr. Thilk. What can I get for you tonight?
Me: Hair of the dog that bit me, my good man.
Lloyd: Bourbon on the rocks it is.
Me: So Lloyd, what do you think of this year's Oscar nominees?
Lloyd: You're money's no good here, sir.
Me: Well thank you very much but, ummm, I was asking about the Oscars. Do you think Brokeback Mountain will take Best Picture or will all that money Lion's Gate spent to promote Crash pay off?
Lloyd: Orders from the house.
Me: What? Oh, the drinks thing. Yeah, that's great and all but I was wondering who you thought would win some of the Academy Awards. By the way, did you know Cinematical will be live-blogging the awards ceremony?
Lloyd: I think there are some problems upstairs you need to take care of.
Me: OK, I'm going to take that to mean you're picking Ang Lee as Best Director. Listen, is there anyone else I can talk...HEY!
Delbert Grady: So sorry sir. Oh, I'm afraid that's going to stain.
Me: Mr. Grady, what's your opinion. I think The Squid and the Whale could be a dark-horse for Best Screenplay.
Grady: That's strange, sir. I don't have any recollection of that at all.
Me: You mean you haven't been reading Cinematical's extensive Oscar coverage? Somebody throw me a bone here. All right here's an easy one for either one of you: Does the pudgy version of George Clooney win Best Supporting Actor for Syriana? I mean, that was a pretty good role and I think the voters will give him this in exchange for shutting out Good Night & Good Luck from every other potential win.
Grady: Did you know your son is trying to bring a third party into the situation?
Me: Is he making long-distance phone calls again? If I've told that kid.... Anyway, I'm going to give you both one more chance to participate here or so help me, there are going to be issues. I think Phillip Seymour Hoffman is a mortal lock for Best Actor for Capote. Much more interesting performance than either of the Brokeback guys. Do either of you have an opinion on this.
Lloyd: Your money's no good here, sir.
Me: Oh, that's it. Where's my ax?