Various sources are confirming what I've suspected for the past few days: none of this weekend's three new wide releases are screening for critics. "But Karina," you're thinking, "What kind of weekend lineup could possibly be that bad?" Well, first, we've got Eli Roth's slasher flick Hostel, a throwback to 70s slasher horror which Lionsgate is virtually trying to sell on the Quentin Tarantino endorsement alone (does his blessing even mean anything anymore?), and which is clearly *not* a picture for critics. Then, Grandma's Boy, the infamous stoner comedy about video game testers from Adam Sandler protege Nicholaus Goossen; the film features cameos from Kevin Nealon, Rob Schneider, and a naked, hash-riddled Shirley Jones, amongst other "highlights". Last and quite possibly least, there's BloodRayne, based on the videogame and directed by – you guessed it – Uwe Boll. Would you screen any of these treasures for the hungry critical mob?

Has this ever happened before? It certainly makes a girl wonder: did the studios behind this pile of trash make some sort of deal to withold all three films, in order to level the playing field? Or did each distributor take discreet action to protect their own steaming wad of rubbish from cranky post-holiday critics? And what the hell is the New York Times going to place around all the ads they've surely already sold for Friday's Arts & Leisure?