Mira Sorvino was made deputy sheriff of Lackawanna County, PA yesterday, as part of a ceremony that, as Rush & Malloy tell it, seems to have been primarily intended to fill the spank banks of the local officers. Whilst the township's real sheriff is all a drool ("[Sorvino] would be a nice addition to the force," John Szymanski said. "She's a very beautiful young lady") he makes it clear that the honor doesn't really mean anything. A deputy sheriff, Szymanski says, doesn't have "any police powers." But as Sorvino's father, actor Paul Sorvino, tells the gossipmongers, that hasn't stopped him from fighting all kinds of crime. Sorvino, who was made deputy sheriff of Scranton in 1982, says, "I know I've stopped at least two robberies...Another time, I saw a guy driving in a very dangerous way. I followed him for 5 miles and called it in...Whenever I can help, I do."

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Somebody call the producers of COPS – we need to pitch a Sorvino Family Crime Stoppers reality show, stat!