VGmerchandise.com – the "official website for Vincent Gallo merchandise" – is selling the director/actor/professional ejaculator's sperm for $1 million dollars a pop. Actually the "pop" isn't included – if you're interested in having his baby, Vincent Gallo won't have sex with you ... that is, not unless you pay the $500,000 surcharge. The standard $1 million fee does include "all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization", although if you don't get knocked up the first time, you're responsible to all costs relating to subsequent attempts. The seller (ostensibly someone close to Gallo himself, although they might be using that "official" loosely) promises that Mr. Gallo's sperm is "drug, alcohol and disease free"; also, "there are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases."
It gets better: whilst Gallo claims to be "a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne", he also "maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions" so as to avoid "that type of integration." In fact, if you call now, he'll knock $50,000 off the cost of his seed if you can prove that you have natural blonde hair and blue eyes. It's odd that Gallo would take such an interest in the genetics of his sort-of child; he doesn't seem to have any interest in parenting, and he makes it very clear that any sperm purchasers would have to "find another surname for the child."
Of course, it's hard to say for sure whether or not any of this is for real. The site does seem to sell some legitimate Galloania - the tuxedo he wore to the premiere of The Brown Bunny could be yours for just $2000 – but the blurbs that accompany most of the items are pretty ludicrous. What's your take?
[via Contact Music]