So I was all set to begin this feature (which has fallen victim to time crunches and such) and logged onto the HSX. The first thing that caught my eye almost made me blow a snot bubble in laughter and I was very glad I had already swallowed the glass of milk I had with luch.

HSX's homepage always features the "IPO of the Day", a movie which is just starting or was just greenlit. Well, today's IPO was of a fund containing star bonds for actors/actresses over 50 years of age called The Golden Years Fund II. What really got me laughing was that the ticker symbol for the fund is AARP. It's a dumb joke but really caught me off guard and struck me as funny. Unfortunately there's no list of stars included in the fund, but apparently it's setup to maximize short-term profits instead of being a long-term investment.

Looks like HSX traders have at  least begun forgiving Tom Sizemore for being a, you know, borderline nutcase. His bond is up a point and a half on what I have to believe is solely anticipation over his next movie, the David Mamet-led Edmond. I also love that Sizemore's bond abbreviation is "TSIZE". Makes him sound like a gangsta rapper.

What's up with Maggie Smith's bond being down a point and a half? Has she been in anything bad (or at least bad in anything she's been in)? Do we expect her to be? Have to believe this is just a bit of profit taking.  Sin City 2 is up three and three quarters points on volume of almost 3.5 million shares, meaning we get to see more of Jessica Alba as a stripper. Of course, she wears so little in Into the Blue that this may be redundant. I may need to take a moment.

I vaguely remember hearing about Lady in the Water, the latest from M. Night Shyamalan, a while ago, but it had kind of dropped off my radar. Doesn't seem to be the case for others since shares in the upcoming romantic comedy (that's a joke, son) are up seven points on a fair amount of trading, just over 2 million shares worth.

CATEGORIES Cinematical